THE ENLIGHTENMENT OF CANCER ~ PART III ~

THE ENLIGHTENMENT OF CANCER ~ PART III ~

The following day on August 28 and at 9:15 a.m., Rob & I met with a man who would be a
part of our lives for quite some time, Dr. Gopal Kunta, an oncologist who had a great bedside
manner and is so very nice to talk to. He stated that since I was a triple negative he would be very
aggressive with my treatment in that he would suggest four cocktails. So, between this information
and the fact that he is sending me for four scans, a CT, PET, MUGA and Bone scan, I wanted a
second opinion. With that in mind, I set out for an appointment with MD Anderson Cancer
Center for the following week. After my appointment with a doctor there who stated that while
my case is aggressive, four cocktails do not prove scientifically and beyond a shadow of a doubt to
be any better than just three. With this information in hand, I decided to stay with Dr. Kunta and go with just the three cocktails and lose the last cocktail as it would be hard on my heart in years to come. If there was no research in place stating that four was any better than three and if it were not for the fact that the results were the same no matter which way you went, then by all means I am going to not put any undue medical issue on my heart than is already going to be there. My scans were all set with a CT scan and a PET scan scheduled for August 31st, a MUGA scan for September 4th, and a BONE scan for September 1st.

As Rob & I walked into the office building for my first round of scans to come in a long
line of scans I looked around and noticed that we were all there for the same reason, Cancer. The
wait was not long, but intense at the same time. A nurse came out and called my name and off I
went. We walked outside to a trailer like building as this was where they did their CT scans. This
was a trailer that could be moved from office to office in order to assist everyone in need. The
nurse and I took the little outside elevator up to the doorway and in I went. As I walked in I
noticed this big machine to the left where I would later lay down and be scanned, a computer table
directly in front of me for the nurse to monitor me and then to my right was a chair where I sat
down and she prepared a little cocktail for me to drink, which looked like and tasted like flat
Sprite, but of course it wasn’t. It was a medical drink, which lights up your insides so as to see
what’s going on in there. After the CT scan I was escorted back into the office building where I
would be getting a PET scan. I was then taken back to a room where, when I walked in I noticed
this bigger machine that I would later be scanned by and was given another cocktail that tasted like
a smoothie, a coconut drink. But of course this too was a medical drink wherein it highlighted your
inner being so as to see it more clearly. All in all the scans were not so bad. The drinks you have
to take to do a CT scan and a PET scan were as well as could be expected.  I suppose they could have been worse. With all of that said and done, my results came back clean. It did not look as though the cancer had spread anywhere else.

On August 31st Rob & I met with Dr. Graham, a radiologist who we eventually would not
need, but did not know that at the time. I was nervous, a bit scared and still waiting to wake up from this because I just felt fine. But I would never tell anyone else that. I just prayed a lot and put it all – in God’s hands. My meeting with Dr. Graham, the radiologist was a good one. He is a very nice  man who as well liked the way Dr. Boardman and Dr. Kunta were being so aggressive with this as this is a very aggressive type of cancer and a triple negative. We spoke for a while and when Rob and I left, we both felt good about the doctors who were handling our case. Before we walked out the door, however, Dr. Graham gave me a notebook that I had been looking at in his office, the
LIVESTRONG notebook. A big binder with tons of helpful information for Cancer patients,
resources, a place for all of your receipts, your records that you will be getting and inspirational
stories. A GREAT notebook indeed for all to have.

THE ENLIGHTENMENT OF CANCER ~ PART II ~

THE ENLIGHTENMENT OF CANCER ~ PART II ~

After I talked to Rob I then proceeded to Eric’s office where I sat down in one of the
chairs in front of his desk and just looked at him. He looked at me and asked me what was wrong
and I then proceeded to tell him about my call just now from Dr. Boardman. Eric is a cancer
survivor as well, a melanoma cancer survivor so he understood exactly what I was feeling and
going through. He went on to say that I will beat this without hesitation. I remember him saying
that the treatment today is not like what they had 20 years ago and he knew I would be ok. I
remember him saying this, but at the same time I was still in shock.  He is a great friend and boss.

Later that evening and after Rob and I had discussed this in length, I decided it was time
to tell my family. I remember that I waited until I had my shower and was cleaned up, grabbed my
cell phone as I knew this was going to be a long night and proceeded to call each member of my
family – starting with my mom, my dad, my brother Randy and then my brother Jay. I remember
telling Randy that I wanted to be the one to tell my nieces in person and I would do so soon. I could not be the one to tell my nephews in person like I wanted to because they lived in Connecticut at the time. The calls were trying at first, but through each one I was very optimistic and had my faith that everything would be alright and advised my family of this each time I talked to them. That following weekend I went over to Randy’s across town where I pulled the girls aside by myself to have a talk. The girls and I always talk like this about many things so this was not going to be any different, just about a different topic. I love those girls like they were my own, so to see their eyes and feel their heart when I told them was heart wrenching, but I was very positive about it and told them that it would all be ok. I just knew it would be. I reminded them that our family were fighters and that is exactly what I intend to do.

On a warm sunny day in August, Rob & I went to the office of Dr. Boardman to discuss his findings. As we were waiting in the waiting room, I could see these books around a table on Breast Cancer and thinking to myself “really, am I really going to have to be picking up one of those books to see where my life is about to be headed?” When just at that moment we were called back to meet with Dr. Boardman. As we went into one of the examination rooms, Rob sat in the corner with a note pad and pen and I sat up on the table. He was going to be the one to take notes, ask questions and remember what the doctor said because I knew I was not going to be in any shape to remember exactly what he was saying. When Dr. Boardman came into the room and we began discussing my having Invasive Ductal Carcinoma “Cancer” and it is triple negative, I could not help but start crying and thinking “is this real?” as well as “is this really happening to me?” I felt just fine. I did not feel sick – I felt normal, healthy. I never once said “why me” just “is this real”. Dr. Boardman continued to give me my options and as I listened intensely at the words that were coming out of his mouth, my first thought was take them both, take them both because I do not want them. I advised Dr. Boardman that I wanted a Double Mastectomy and that was that. I only wanted to go through this one time. My reasons have specifically been that I only wanted to go through this pain one time and one time only, I did not need breasts (they only get in the way anyway) and if I had Cancer in one breast whose to say I won’t get it in the other down the road. The sooner the better I say. By the end of our appointment Dr. Boardman had scheduled my surgery for October 2nd at 1:30 and recommended an Oncologist that he thought we should meet right away and whom he thought would fight this cancer as aggressively as he was and that was going to be the only way to fight this, aggressively.

To Be Continued…

Nutrition Facts

Always with Light, Love, Strength, Enlightenment and Guidance!

Day 11: The Inward Journey: Forgiveness Heals.

Mindfulness Exercise…

I See You, I mean really See You!

smilebe4tears

image

I See You!

Since starting this blog I have come across some very special people, some of which I find myself caring about and if I don’t hear from them I check on them, and they check on me.
I have even made two very good friends that I hope as time passes we will meet and become lifetime friends for I never want to lose contact with either one.

I read this (below) and Only I Know the Real Me came flashing into my mind and heart and I just wanted her to know that I see, adore and cherish everything about her, from her scarecrow hair to the invisible puddle of tears at her feet. She is the first and dearest friend I made because I started my blog, and we except each other just as we are. I just wish we were not on each end of…

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CHARLIE CHAPLIN

This funny man sums up all that we thrive for in life.  (Shared via Linda Shell)

As I Began to Love Myself – Self Love Poem by Charlie Chaplin

As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering
are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth.
Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody
As I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time
was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this
person was me. Today I call it “RESPECT”.

As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life,
and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow.
Today I call it “MATURITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance,
I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens
at the exactly right moment. So I could be calm.
Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE”.

As I began to love myself I quit steeling my own time,
and I stopped designing huge projects for the future.
Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do
and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in
my own rhythm. Today I call it “SIMPLICITY”.

As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for
my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything that drew
me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude
a healthy egoism. Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF”.

As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since
I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is “MODESTY”.

As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worry
about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where EVERYTHING
is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILLMENT”.

As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me
and it can make me sick. But As I connected it to my heart, my
mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this
connection “WISDOM OF THE HEART”.

We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems
with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing
new worlds are born.Today I know THAT IS “LIFE”!

Charlie Chaplin

Charlie Chaplin

Trekking the Teton Crest Trail

Trekking the Teton Crest Trail

Open Your Wings…

YesterdayAfter

Title - Peaceful Sensation Digital Art

Open your wings…
When you overcome something that was hurting you and your soul deeply…
you learn a new way to express life in another dimension and you have a choice…
you can turn something that was bad into something good.
Open your wings to other be free and let your heart fly without fears…
you could be an Angel to someone else.

-CR

Copyright© Carolina Russo

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THE ENLIGHTENMENT OF CANCER ~ Part I ~ Have You Ever Wondered What It’s Like…

THE ENLIGHTENMENT OF CANCER ~ Part I ~ Have You Ever Wondered What It’s Like…

In order for us to have a friendship and communicate well, we should get to know each other a little better.  So, I thought I would share my story so others can understand what it’s like to live with and live through Cancer.

I have had mammograms since I was thirty-­five because of a cyst I had found through a
self-examination, which turned out to be only that. When I was thirty­-eight, I had another
Mammogram as I usually do every October which turned out to be clean. Seven months later and
once I had moved to Minneola, FL, I wanted to find another doctor closer than where I was
going in order to be more efficient and close. I located an ad for a Dr. Mary Beth Lewis-
Boardman located here in the Clermont, FL area and proceeded to make her my official new OBGYN.  In July of 2009 as I waited in the cold exam room with nothing on but a gown so as to have my examination, I sat and wondered about the usual day-to-day routines in life. As my examination completed, Dr. Lewis suggested I get a mammogram even though October was right around the corner and was my usual date for such. I sat and wondered and asked why she thought I needed to get the mammogram done now instead of in October. I had even asked if she felt something during the examination. She stated that she did not feel anything but thought that it might be a good idea to go ahead and just get it over with. I could not agree more so I decided to go ahead and let her staff make me an appointment. On week later I was sitting in the waiting area to go back for my mammogram still only thinking of the daily routines in life and that I really need to get back to work. A job I had just started. As I was being called back for my examination, Helen, who had sympathy for the women coming for mammograms was professional yet nice. The machine that is used to squeeze, pull and smash your breast, however, was not so nice or warm I might add.  As my examination ended, Helen stated my test results would be sent out for review and then the results to the doctor.

As we all know, mammograms are compared to the previous so as to make sure
everything is still normal. My mammogram taken that day in July of 2009 was compared to my
prior mammogram taken in October of 2008 and showed abnormalities and I was advised by Dr. Lewis that a biopsy would be needed and she knew just the doctor. In August I went to see Dr. Jason Boardman of Clermont, FL who was very nice and completed the biopsy in a timely manner. Again I was not thinking of a thing other than I am sure this is just cyst as before. I never gave it a second thought that it could be Cancer. I continued through life with my daily routines and my new job just as always when on August 25 and while at work Dr. Boardman called. It was 3:30 p.m. and
slow that day at work at the Law Office of Eric S. Mashburn. I was at my desk working away
on opening new client files and procedures when out of the blue my cell phone rang. I got up from
my desk with my cell phone in my hand and went into the kitchen to talk. It was Dr. Boardman on
the other end who stated he personally wanted to call me and call me at work instead of having me
wait for an official office visit for the news of the biopsy. He went on further to state that my
results had just came back and that the biopsy was proven to be cancerous. He then stated that
there was no easy way to tell anyone this, but I had cancer. I realized I had walked out of the
kitchen and into the hallway of the office (which is a very small office) and was staring down the
hallway into the office of Mr. Mashburn when I remember saying to Dr. Boardman that I
appreciated the fact that he called me and he called me at work to tell me. I would have hated to
have to wait for an office visit to find out. He stated that my case is “Invasive Ductal
Carcinoma and triple negative at that” and that I needed to make an appointment to come in to see
him to discuss this further and as soon as possible. I then, while still in a daze, proceeded to make an appointment for an office visit.

After I hung up the phone and while still in disbelief and shock I called Rob at work to
give him the news. I knew I should not tell him such things at work and it might be better in
person, but he would be upset if I did not call him to tell him right away and I did not think I could
wait until I got home to tell him. When I called Rob at work and told him the news from Dr.
Boardman he was in shock but went right into action. He said that we will fight this and that
treatment is not the same as they had 20 years ago. He was already going into his fighting/action
mode without hesitation. He is a fact getter, researcher, learns and retains a lot especially when it
comes to medical issues and nutrition. He was and is my strength.

To Be Continued…

Until tomorrow my Angels!  Always with Light, Love, Strength, Guidance & Our Warrior Within!

SWEET DREAMS ~

I understand sometimes we do not remember our dreams, but know that we slept pretty soundly.  Just know this,

Dreams

Are There Angels

© Kathy J Parenteau

Are there angels here beside us as we journey life’s winding road,
Sent from heaven here to guide us along future paths unknown?

I saw an angel in my dream with an
iridescent smile,
raven hair, delicate wings and a
warm angelic style.
She bore a sweet resemblance to
someone I used to know,
but the era had lapsed, long since passed, for the winds of time do blow.
She told me of a heavenly land, a
paradise she claimed,
that awaits the souls of everyone who
worships God’s name.
She showed me living waters baring
life of endless flow,
unconditional love for our master above
a place where streets are paved in gold.
And when my dream came to an end she
kissed me tenderly,
whispered we’ll soon meet again when
God feels it’s meant to be.
In the morning I awakened to the
dawning of the day,
with my spirit a glow for I’d been
kissed by a rose,
in this dream I’ll cherish till my
dying day.

Yes angels walk beside us however
unbelievable it seems,
sent from heaven here to guide us
even in our dreams.

Always with Light, Love, Strength, Enlightenment, Guidance and OUR Warrior Within!  Have a great Monday my Angels and may your day be light and heavenly.  Cheers!

__The Medicine wheel

“We are one.
Let’s pray for peace.”

East wind-Yellow people-Path of light-Spiritual-courage.
West wind -Red people-Path of vision-physical-prayer
North wind-White people-Path of quiet-Mental-wisdom
South wind-Black people-Path of peace-natural-trust

johncoyote

MedicineWheel[1]

The Medicine wheel

A Poem by Coyote Poetry

"

Old Native American wisdom. We need to gather as one people to save earth and all people.

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dreamcatcher

Wisdom of the Medicine wheel.

(I have been lucky. Many kind Native Americans took me under their wing and taught me how to find peace.)

At the Mall I went to the so-call Native American store. A Middle Eastern  man tried to sell me a China’s made items. I touched a Medicine Wheel.

I told the man. “A proper Medicine Wheel has the power of the four winds.” I touched a  Dream Catcher.” A real one would protect your spirit and keep bad dreams away.”

He grinned at me. He didn’t understand a word that I have spoken. He told me. “Does the same things.” I leave the store with nothing.

I sat with my Apache Friend and his family outside the gate of Fort…

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