Waking Up

byclarkellis

I never really know which comes first, opening my eyes or waking up. The difference may not matter, but on mornings like this I wish I could just keep them closed. The sun is already high, heat and light pressing down through the plastic blinds of my bedroom window. I turn away and writhe, arms and legs, in a tangle of cheap cotton sheets slick with sweat. Nowhere stays cool long enough for me to get comfortable. I’m losing the battle, and I know I’m losing but I pull my quilt tighter in defiance, although really in fear. There’s nothing to be afraid of in my own room, just like there’s no reason to be tired after a night’s sleep, or sad at a new day. I know this, or I would know it if I could think, but my mind is drifting in and out and I can’t think…

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Mindfulness and My PTSD

Untangled

I titled this post, Mindfulness practice, and My PTSD because I think both a mindfulness practice and an illness can look different for each individual. While the list of symptoms may be similar when it comes to being diagnosed, I have come to find out that the severity of the symptoms, the severity of the trauma, and how each person experiences living with their PTSD can vary greatly. My therapist taught me that, the wonderful group of survivors I have contact with taught me that, and the sometimes unrelenting choke-hold of some of my symptoms have taught me that. I imagine it’s the same for most chronic illness’s but I can only speak to the one that I deal with on a daily basis.

I have had a very steady and intentional mindfulness practice for the last twenty years. I started it years ago when I needed to change the…

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Nature’s Window

itchingforhitching

2015 – Kalbarri, WA

Iconic Nature’s Window in Kalbarri National Park happens to be wall to wall today, with tourists and one guy comments that perhaps we should book our turn in the Window. Woody particularly likes the Indian tourists as they treat every photo like it is a portrait sitting as they sit in the ‘window’ and shout detailed instructions at the photographer to get their best side.

20150426-DSC_0412 Nature’s Window without sitters

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Are You Waking Up?

Gaia's Awakened Children

So what really is an awakening? We tend to not truly understand the concept of awakening until we are actually going through it and have recognized the signs. It’s a soul piercing experience that tears everything you ever imagined apart, and reconstructs it into a whole new being. It’s facing your greatest fears and makes you rethink everything that you ever knew. It forces you to view every aspect of yourself that you tried to hide from not only the world, but yourself. Despite these horrifying possibilities, the aftereffects are worth it.

The best representation of an awakening experience, is the lotus flower. It sits quietly, but beautifully basking in the sun. We tend to see it only as a flower, but the lotus is often times represented as the journey we go through waking up. If we can continue to remind ourselves through the process that we are merely…

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EVER THANKFUL

Where Words Daily Come Alive.com

As this morning calls my eyes to open
Leaving me to feel your joyful presence
You lift my mind into very high places
As my heart is now embraced by Your love

It gave birth to a million radiant smiles
And just as many blushing childish grins
While the very first thing that came to mind
Was to thank You for letting me live again

And I could hear the soft gentle pattering
On my window as the rain began to fall
And even as its voice was speaking clearly
I could hear the blessing of Your loves call

And as all living things began their dance
Joined together their voices rose up to pray
Happily thanking you Lord for another chance
To send out from their hearts sweet praise

I thank you, this morning for the reminder
Which always assures me Your spirit will stay
No matter whether one…

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