EST. JUNE 2015 FOR THE SHARING OF ANGELIC GUIDANCE/LIFE/LIGHT & LOVE
THE AUTHENTIC YOU ~ Jason Stephenson
I Could Use A Prayer or Two ~ Why Not ~ I Believe, Have Faith, and Trust…
Thirty-six (36) Prayers, messages and affirmations of trust in the Archangels presented on vintage style parchment scrolls. Choose your prayer and send it symbolically to the Archangel of your choice. This is FREE to do, of course. There are prayers to all of the following Archangels here: Ariel, Azrael, Chamuel, Gabriel, Haniel, Jeremial, Jophiel, Metatron, Michael, Raguel, Raphael, Raziel, Sandalphon, Uriel and Zadkiel
Myths, Mysteries and Legends ~ Goddesses myangelcardreadings.com
A lot has been written about Goddesses, who originate from many different cultures. It is said that by
working with them we can enlighten and heal our own feminine wisdom, thus improving our spiritual intuition.
Here’s a few of the better known ones and their areas of “expertise” so that you can call on them should you wish to ….
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Abundantia is the Roman Goddess of Abundance, Good Fortune, Opportunities and Success. Her name means “plenty” or “overflowing riches”.Her philosophy is that the Universal Source grants us access to the infinite and all encompassing supply of abundance. Therefore, by believing in this wisdom, you will also believe that your needs will always be met somehow, and they probably will! |
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Aphrodite is probably the most well known Greek Goddess, she is the Goddess of Love, Romance and Passion and assists women into feeling more comfortable with their bodies and sexuality. Aphrodite loves to help you celebrate your femininity. |
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Artemis the Greek Goddess the moon, the night and woodland, she is also known as the Goddess of protection, a particular guardian of women and children. She will illuminate those places that scare you and lend you her strength to bring you safely through. Call upon her for courage, or if you feel you need defending or shielding from harm. |
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Clementia is the roman Goddess of forgiveness and mercy. Call upon her when you need to find forgiveness in your heart. |
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Damara is a Celtic fertility Goddess. It is also believed that this Goddess rules over youth and innocence. She also assists with bringing peace and harmony to discordant families within quarrelsome households. |
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Eireen is a Greek Goddess who brings peace to all around her. She helps us replace worry with trust. She will also assist us with re-discovering and retaining our child-like faith and enthusiasm for life. |
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Green Tara a Tibetan Goddess, who rapidly understands situations and relationships. she empowers us to promote self healing, whilst helping us to overcome our fears and anxieties. She is also said to save us from hatred, envy and greed. |
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Hera The Greek Goddess Hera blesses and protects a woman’s marriage, bringing her fertility, protecting her children, and helping her find financial security. She also represents the fullness of life and reminds us that we can use our own instinctive judgement in the pursuit of any goal we choose. |
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Hestia is the Greek Goddess of the “Hearth and Home”. She is friendly and modest and prides herself on her home being a haven. Call upon her to help you to make your home a welcoming sanctuary for all who live there. |
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Isolt is a legendary Celtic Goddess, who you can call upon to help with relationship issues. She helps with healing from breakups, separations, and divorces. Ignites passion and re-kindling relationships. She also assists with attracting romantic love. |
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Ixchel a powerful healer, Ixchel is a Mayan Moon Goddess who is connected to the tides and rainfall. She is a mother Goddess who is believed to aid fertility and childbirth. Call upon her to connect you with your own healing abilities. |
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Kuan Yin is the Eastern Goddess of Mercy. She helps us to feel kindness and compassion towards ourselves and others. She also assists with opening our clairvoyant and psychic abilities to their full potential if called upon to do so. |
ravel America on a Budget with 4 Easy Tips ~ OK! 8)
THE ENLIGHTENMENT OF CANCER ~ PART VIII
12-14-09
This week was a regular work week and an office visit to Dr. Bosshardt for one more expansion. I want no regrets and feel this is a good choice. I am not that big, just slightly bigger than I was originally. After today, I have a two-week waiting process before we start moving toward the 20% and then we wait two (2) months before surgery. Surgery for the reconstruction process and the removal of the port that I have had for so long.
12-21
My LAST chemo. YEAH! A little nervous as there is a feeling of comfort knowing that you are getting medication to help fight the cancer, but on the other hand those same medications are brutally hard on your body. With that, I am ready for the last one and know that the cancer has NOT spread and by staying on my same nutritional path and exercise I can keep the cancer away forever and be a survivor forever with no re-occurrence. I worked a half day Monday, a full day on Tuesday, had my last shot on Wednesday (for my immune system) – – cold and hurt like heck!!, worked half a day Thursday (Christmas eve) and we were off Friday. Yeah! Nice week – finally.
I was ill Thursday and Friday and started to get better Saturday. Rob & I went over to see the family for Christmas Saturday since I was unable to on Christmas day. Happy Birthday to Heather Marie who is 19 this year on Christmas. Unbelievable.
I have to say that although I do not regret my decision regarding the “one more expansion”, they are getting so uncomfortable that I cannot wait for surgery so as to actually have the implants in that are more comfortable and so I can sleep better. These things are feeling hard and now I know what exactly the doctors meant when they said that there would be no feeling in your breast, no normal feeling, as that is exactly what I am experiencing and am uncertain on how I feel about that. Having a double mastectomy takes all feeling away. Not that I really had a choice in the matter.
12-28
I have a short week this week what with New Years and all. I am off Thursday (personal day) and Friday is New Years day, 2010. Rob and I are off to St. Augustine, FL for the weekend of New Years 2010 and look forward to a little vacation. It has been a long last six (6) months and I need a little away time. St. Augustine is always a great place to go for a getaway.
12-30-09 to 12-31-09
New Years Eve and Anniversary on 1-1: Rob & I traveled to St. Augustine, FL where we go every year and stay at the Carriage Way Bed & Breakfast. John, Larry & Bill are so great and our stay is always the best. We got there on the 31st and spent New Years Eve watching the ball drop with John. The rest of the weekend was nice as Rob & I ate at some very nice restaurants (The Reef, The Bubble Room, The Maya Restaurant, and The Florida Cracker) and finding out what I could eat became a little easier.
1-1-10
Our anniversary, three (3) years. Rob & I spent the day touring around St. Augustine and had dinner at “The Reef”. A nice restaurant on the water there with a nice view. A lot has happened in our three years married – and he’s still hanging around. Most would have already left me and probably couldn’t handle it. I say this from experience losing friends and family while I am ill.
1-11
Today I am set to get my first set of scans after the chemo treatment. My first scan, the PET scan is at 7:00 a.m. and the CT is scheduled for 9:00 a.m. Rob is going with me to get them done and we wait for a week to get the results on the 18th at 3:00 p.m. with Dr. Kunta.
All went well and after Rob & I went to breakfast at Perkins. Now, the fun is over and back to work.
Today I was surprised by an early 40th birthday party at the restaurant “Dutch” by Rob. He had asked me if I wanted to go with him to Home Depot to refill the grill tank and then to lunch. So sure, I was up to it. We decided on lunch at Dutch, me not knowing that there was a party in the back.
When I walked in, Dutch (the owner) took us to the back where there was better seating – through the kitchen I might add – and when I walked through everyone yelled “surprise.” I started to cry because it was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for me. There were many people who actually wanted to be there to show me that they loved me and are happy that I am here, 40, and we all know I will be Cancer free. For a small list of who was there: Bob and Annaliese, mom and dad, Randy & Cheryl, Heather and Brittany, Trina, David and Brittany, Theresa, Uncle Frank and Aunt Mary, Uncle Jack and Aunt Jill, Heath, Karlos, Matt, Sandy and Matt’s mom, Lynn (from work), Cindy & Kathy (from work), Barry & Kristi, Yvette and her two children, and Lori and Megan. What a great surprise.
After my last 20% expansion this morning with Dr. Bosshardt, I had a 3:00 appt with Dr. Kunta for my results of my scans. Dr. Kunta advised that my scans were perfect, clean and clear and told me he would continue to treat me to keep the Cancer away. I got a name and number of a Dermatologist, Heather Brock, so I could have them check my skin so I can stay Cancer free.
1-19-10
40th Birthday ~ Hmm… I MADE IT!! Rob was sick the past two days or so, but made me a nice dinner here at home.
1-24-10
Now that I am Cancer free, I am going to need to stay on top of it by keeping up with my nutritional habits as well as my continued exercising. No going back to the ways of before. Something like this changes you and makes you realize what is really important in life and what you should do in order to stay here longer to see your nieces and nephews grow up and graduate and grow old with your brothers whom you would miss so very much. I always knew prior to this what things were important and not so much as well as worth fighting for, but Cancer puts it greater perspective and you literally find yourself not in the mood for any negativity from anyone.
So – – I wait for my hair to start growing back and sit for two (2) months while I await my appt on March 4th with Dr. Bosshardt to schedule my surgery for my implants. Thank goodness for insurance! If my insurance did not pay for reconstructive surgery, I would have never gotten it. I was lucky enough to have that choice. They do not mean that much to me nor would I miss them. Besides, Rob already said he did not marry me for my breasts or looks, but for my heart and what’s inside. So with that, I could not ask for anything more.
2-10
The weeks have passed with no new events until the first week here in February. My hair started to show some growth. Although, my eyebrows and eye lashes continue to fall out. Rob says that my new lashes and brows are pushing out the old ones. Hmm…, maybe so. I any case, just this past week, the week of the 15th, my expander on the left side has been causing me pain. It has somehow come to a point inside on the left side under or close to my arm and managed to make a bruise and pinch a nerve at the same time. The pain is sharp although not all the time. It is only once maybe twice a day with little jolts here and there throughout. Goodness, just when I think I can reach for that glass or wash my head in the shower the jolts or pain come.
*** On A Side Note**
Wigs, wigs and more wigs ~ Since I have no hair, I have been experimenting with wigs here and there. Nothing too extreme, yet. They seem to fit well and don’t look too bad. I’ve always had really curly hair and could not find a good curly wig, so I went for straight. I don’t wear them all the time. Most times I prefer a little bandanna. In the evenings, my head gets so cold that I have a little red and white stripped hat I wear to bed to keep my hear warm. Thank goodness for this.
2-23-10
I went to see Dr. Bosshardt today where he took some fluid out of my expanders thinking that might help, but it did not. I told him it would not matter because the expander came to a point inside and the size would not matter. Oh well. I only have to live with it until March 19, that is when my surgery is scheduled. Yeah!! I hope everything looks better than I expect and goes well.
Later this night, Rob & I were given an invite to go see the true story, movie, called “Letters to God”. It was a very good story about a little boy with brain cancer who writes letters to god and prays about many different things and people. It was filmed here in Clermont/Winter Garden. It was very sad, but a good story for all to learn from.
2-24 to 3-12
I seem to be feeling just fine other than the pain I keep having in my left expander. It has come to a point underneath my skin and is either pinching my skin or a nerve underneath. In any case, it is quite a jolt of pain when it happens and I never know when it will. I cannot wait for surgery.
3-13
A beautiful day for a Winter park 10k run. My first 10k, Yeah I finished in 1 hour and 28 minutes. Not so bad. Matt, Sandy and I walked/jogged it and had a good time. Rob’s knee was still hurting him from his 300 mile ride a few weeks back so he did not do it.
3-18
We found out today that my cousin, Bobby, has Colon Cancer. The family is not telling him *just yet as they need him to recover from his operation on his intestine/appendix he just had yesterday, March 17. I pray God gives him the strength and the immune system to fight this. He’s been through so much and is such a fighter. He is my light and my strength!!
Bring me your good vibes
Bring me your silkiest rope
Let us tie our dreams together
And fly our kites of hope
Bring me your pureness
Bring me your love
Let us coo songs of kindness
Like the friendship of a dove
Bring me your hand
Bring me your touch
Let us start a poetic parade
Of new found romance
Bring me your eyes
Bring me your heart
Let us bathe head to head
Like a fire resuscitating
…what has been dead
THE ENLIGHTENMENT OF CANCER ~ PART VII
11-22-09
Baptized at Real Life – Clermont church today! YEAH! Rob went with me. It was a great moment as It felt right and complete. After everything in my life this was something that completed my strength to fight this awful disease. Below are pictures of the event Rob took. Though they are a bit blurry (God bless him), you can still make out such an important time in my journey.
11-26
Thanksgiving at Randy’s. It was a nice afternoon as I have not spent any real-time with the family since all of this started. Dinner was great as always. Cheryl cooked and made sweet potatoes for Rob and I since we cannot eat regular potatoes at this time. Watching our nutritional intake you know. We left just before everyone was having dessert as I did not want to make it any harder on myself than it needed to be. I don’t eat deserts either. Upon leaving, I said by to Randy (who was watching football and napping) and told him that I meant to tell him that I was thankful for him as my brother and being in my life. I am very thankful for my family, my whole family, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, cousins, brothers, in-laws, sister in-laws, brother in-laws, and everyone else I might be forgetting. Everyone has been such a big support that it has been amazing. Going through something like this makes one realize what is really important, life. Life is important and worth fighting for so that one can still be here to be around and show your family as well as tell your family how much they mean to you. I love my family so much that I cannot express it so that they each can truly understand. Their individual love, support, and strength has been just one of the things that have been getting me through this.
11-27
Rob and I went to Ocala today to visit family. We stopped by to see Uncle Jack and Aunt Jill first where Brock was there and then Heath stopped by. After a little while, we went over to see Uncle Frank and Aunt Mary where we found out that Teresa was there with her boys, Brent and Clint (?) and Trina was there with David and their daughter Brittany. It was so great to see everyone. I cannot remember the last time I saw Teresa who looks amazing. After a while and a visit to Uncle Jacks barn and his showing us how to rope a calf, we went to visit Heath at his home. We made all the rounds and then went to dinner at Harry’s in downtown Ocala where they had a big Christmas tree up and decorated for the season. It was a nice time and great to be around family.
After dinner around 7:00 p.m., Rob and I had to get back home. Anymore I find it hard to leave when visiting family. This time it was hard to leave and found myself and Trina hugging and crying at the same time. I do not think we could hold each other tight enough. The same for Uncle Jack and Aunt Jill as well as Uncle Frank and Aunt Mary. I really hated to leave and say goodbye, but made it clear I would call to let them know how I was doing with my third session and for myself I did not want to wait so long to be back.
11-28
A nice cold Saturday morning where Rob got up and went for a mountain bike ride with Karlos. I stayed home and did the usual household festivities and eventually started putting up the Christmas tree. Later that night, Rob and I went to see ICE at the Gaylord Palms and then to dinner at Villa de Flora with Johnathan and Lacey. We had a great time with good friends.
11-30
Third session of chemo, ugh… but yeah! I was a little nervous but my numbers came back great Laura said. It must be the diet or my new nutritional habits Rob has me on. Either way he is doing great looking after me. I went in at one and did not get out until 5:10 p.m. Later on I was so hungry for dinner, but that was not such a good idea. I did not feel well the rest of the night. Went to bed early.
12-1
Yeah December. At work and did not think I would make it through the day. On my nausea medications, but still feeling yucky. I hung in there though. Yeah me…
12-3 to 12-4
Stayed home from work Thursday and Friday as these are my days of not feeling well. This was the third session and though I was feeling yucky, I was better than before. 8 ) I hope the fourth is better as well (it’s around Christmas time). I hope to make it to work Thursday the 24th as it is a half day and Eric wants to take us out for lunch for Christmas. I hope I am well enough, I pray I am.
12-7 to 12-13
The past week was just fine – work as usual and am feeling well. Yesterday, however, December 12th, my baby Boxer, Zak (who is 10 years old), passed away. My ex called (we stayed in touch and I would see them every weekend – leaving Magnum and Zak was the hardest thing in the world) to tell me and said he passed in his sleep. He laid down next to the bathtub (one of his favorite places to sleep) and never woke up. The saddest thing ever! I love him so much. He was the best Boxer ever (next to Magnum). He waited for me to get there before he did anything so I could say goodbye. It was sad to see him like that and have to bury him. I kept expecting him to jump up with that little wiggle butt of his. When he got excited he would wiggle his whole body into a “U” shape and just wiggle and wiggle. That is the one thing that stinks about having pets as they do not live long enough, but they are worth having. God rest his little soul. I will miss him and love him forever.
I’m trying to get better and I lose a best friend in the process! My heart is broken!
Irina Karkabi
Dear Goddess
I remember you dear Goddess. You were my long walk on the Pacific ocean.
You were the view from the ridge of a great mountain. You showed me your perfect beauty.
I have tried to touch your kind gifts with appreciation and concern. I love the sea, the great valley of flowers and the secret and hidden places of the mountain range.
I loved your song. I loved the whispering of dancing sea, the free land and laughing children. You taught me.
Life is my decision. To love the earth and dance gently upon her. You are our lifeblood and gift to appreciate and protect.
Dear Goddess. Thank you for the new day and opportunity to dance with the sea, to sing with the wind and to celebrate the free gifts of nature.
John Castellenas/Coyote
THE ENLIGHTENMENT OF CANCER ~ PART VI
10-23-09
I went back to work for the first full day of work and felt good.
10-25
Rob (ran) and I (walked) the Susan G. Komen 5k Race for the Cure at UCF. The race started at 7:45 a.m. Rob & I rode there with our doctor, Dr. Jason Boardman (surgeon), his staff and other cancer patients on a Coach Bus #5501. We had a really good time with a ceremony afterwards.
10-26
Back to work this week. Can’t wait to see the gang!
10-28
Back to see Dr. Bosshardt today. Second expansion went very well. I felt the saline expand the expanders this time. Have to wait for the next until 11/12 as Dr. Bosshardt is on vacation.
10-29
The time went by just fine. Going back and forth to work, doing things around the house, etc. Everything was fine except for the fact that the week of the 29th my scalp started to ache and my hair started to fall out, a lot. So, as I have stated to others before, I took matters into my own hands.
10-30
As I was getting ready for work and was doing my hair, I noticed more of my was falling out. So, I prayed that it would just last until that night when I could get home and Rob could cut it off for me. The time has come! When I got home from work, Rob & I went to dinner (Crispers) and afterward we came home where he brought out the new clippers we bought and began to cut my hair. He first used a #4 all over my head except for right down the middle where we tried to give me a Mohawk, but my hair was so thick and curly that it wanted to fall over. LOL! We took a picture anyway. After that, Rob began to continue with my hair cut by using a #1 on my head, which made my hair even shorter. We took another picture and that is when I decided to go even shorter as I did not want to have to see my hair fall out. We used just the flat clipper on my head which made it as short as you can go before you shave it. All went well and I never cried or got upset. I had been ready for this
for quite a long time and had come to terms with the fact that I was going to lose my hair, but as long as I had a say in it, it was going to be on my terms, not the terms of the cancer!
10-31
Missed Halloween with the family. Apparently Britt changed her mind and did not want to dress up this year. Rob & I went to dinner and came home, no trick or treaters here this year or for any year as far as that goes. No kids on this street.
11-1 to 11-5
The week went by just fine. Went to work, bought birthday cards for Britt and Randy, things around the house, picked up prescriptions for my chemo on Friday and such. A steady week waiting for Friday to get here. I am so ready to get these chemotherapy sessions going in order to get them over and restart my life.
11-6
Finally, second chemo session is here. I worked a half a day and then Rob & I went for our 1:00 p.m. appointment. Had a quick meeting with Dr. Kunta and then we had our injection of meds. Not so bad, I took a couple of naps in there somewhere. We started at 1:00 and ended at 5:30. It was a long day, but now I have 2 sessions left. YEAH!!! Britts 11th birthday today also! I called and sang the Happy Birthday song to her. My nieces and nephews are awesome! I love their birthdays!
11-7 to 11-8
I am feeling ok so far (usually do the first two days). Today the 7th is another beautiful day and am ok so far. Church tomorrow. Checked the mail today, our invoice from South Lake Hospital was in there with a total of over $60,000.00. Our portion was $331.00. Thank goodness for insurance. Goodness gracious.
11-9
Ok so I did not make church yesterday as I was not feeling well and slept in. Monday was ok in the morning, but it hit me earlier that same day. The nausea, diarrhea, stomach aches, very weak, body aches, teeth aches, just all in all the ugh feeling. The flu feeling as they say. Rob & I went to Dr. Kunta’s office for my shot, and my blood pressure was 88/58. A little LOW. Yes, I know I need to drink more water. I try, I really do. I am trying to drink anything to keep the fluids in me. I do not know why it is difficult for me. And no, I do not want to go to the hospital for fluids or Dr. Kunta’s office for that matter. I did remember to call my big brother, Randy, for his bday today. I can hardly believe it – just glad I’m here to see it. Rob has been taking great care of me and I could not ask for anyone or anything more than him being here.
11-10
Out of work today as well. Not well, but getting better. Every day gets a little better. Went for a walk today, but I get weak and tired more often at this time. Inside all day, but we went out to Crispers for salads and fruit. Spending time with Rob is always a great time. I did find however, when we went to the Sweet Bay Supermarket after that people tend to stare at you when you have no hair. I am sure they are not trying to be rude, just wondering so I think (as Rob suggested) that I get a shirt made that says “I HAD Cancer” so the wondering is left out. It says it plain as day and they can stop staring. Oh well. Who really cares! It is just one of many things that I have noticed since all of this has taken place.
11-11
Had another expansion today. Dr. Bosshardt put in 120 cc’s, which puts me at 300 cc’s. Not sure how much longer I will go in to be expanded. I am not going to be too big, just comfortable.
I would never in a million years have reconstructive surgery on any part of my body, but when faced with Cancer – I guess some things change. I would have never done it had it not been for my illness. It’s just not me.
11-13 to 11-14
Very nice days. Beautiful weather. Shopping around for a stainless Rice Steamer. Boy are they hard to find. Rob & I went into JC Penny and saw a woman walking out with her daughter who could not stop staring at me, and Rob. I find that very rude. As I mentioned it to Rob, he made a statement that I should just stop and say something like “Yes, I have Cancer and this is what my head looks like without hair.” I feel deep down that I might just do that if it happens again as I feel this is very rude and it is happening way too often. Lord grant me the proper tongue to use when addressing this situation.
11-15
Church at 9:30 at Real Life. Pastor Justin is such a great Pastor. He makes the sermons interesting and funny. I enjoy his sermons and his antics he uses to get us all involved and stay interested. I found at the end being drawn to the baptisms. I have been told that I was baptized as a baby, but I do not remember. I have been through so much lately and know that God and others are with me always, but there is something about being baptized, again. I feel that in order to help others in any way, shape or form and myself, I need this. I know that God is with me, my Angels are beside me, and that I am loved beyond measure. This I never doubted and trust. I know – just know, there is no question about it. I can’t explain it, it just is.
11-18
Another session with Dr. Bosshardt for another expansion process. Went out to see Larry, Leah, & Cody, Skip & Barbara, John & Arlene as well as Terry & Glen (w/ daughter) to Lake Buena Vista. It had been years since I had seen them. Randy, Cheryl, Heather & Brittany were there as well as mom & dad. It was so nice to have everyone under one roof again. It’s been so long and so many years have passed. We all grew up together in South Florida. Oh the memories!!
Here are a few pics I wanted to share…
THE ENLIGHTENMENT OF CANCER ~ PART V
It’s funny how something like this reveals the people in your life (family and friends) who are really there for you and those who just can’t take you being ill and leave you. It’s heartbreaking, but eye-opening. Lord help me ~ I don’t get it…
Surgery was on October 2, 2009, it’s been 11 days of having these drains, pain pump and port in. The port I’ll have for a while, but the pump and drains come out soon. They are uncomfortable and trying to sleep with them, forget it. I cannot get comfortable sleeping so Rob will come and lay behind me so I can lean on him and then, finally then, I can rest and get some sleep. I relax, close my eyes and fall asleep with him behind me – holding me and holding me up in a comfortable position to sleep.
I CANNOT LOOK at myself YET or do I even want to. I cannot even bring myself to wash. I just
cannot do it. Rob hung a sheet up in the bathroom so that I would not have to look in the mirror and he also dries me off. I could not bring myself to do any of it. One, because I was still in pain and two, because I was just not ready. It’s one thing to see yourself in the mirror as whole person and another to see yourself in the mirror after a surgery with something missing.
10-13
I had an appointment with my reconstruction doctor, Dr. Bosshardt, for my first checkup after surgery. Dr. Bosshardt removed my bandages, my drains on both sides as well as my pain pump. I was wrapped so tightly that I thought it was supposed to be that way. I never questioned because you assume the hospital staff and OR staff know what they are doing. Dr. Bosshardt was
very upset that I was wrapped so tight by the OR staff. Dr. Bosshardt proceeded to remove my stitches, which I was unaware that he wanted to do that. I do believe it’s best sometimes that one does not know what a doctor is going to do so he can just do it. It saves the patient (me) from being anxious or having an anxiety attack of the thought of something getting ready to occur. (Thank goodness for the anxiety meds)
On a side note, Dr. Bosshardt of Tavares, FL is awesome! He is so nice and made me feel comfortable and like he really cared about me as a person and was there for me at all hours. Most times that is missing in doctors anymore.
STILL CANNOT LOOK YET!
10-16
Ah, my first session of chemotherapy at 10:00 a.m. I was so nervous because I did not know what
to expect. The port that was placed in just above what was my left breast and below my collar-bone. The port is very uncomfortable and feels like it touches the expander. The nurse, Billie, was very nice and attentive in making sure I was comfortable. She sprayed some numbing spray on the port area so that I would not feel the needle insertion. The numbing spray freezes up and makes the area very cold, I did not feel a thing. Before I knew it, she had entered the needle and the first drips of a combination of benadryl and anxiety medicine were already being started. After those two I began my TC meds or cocktails.
10-17 & 18
The weekend went just fine. I only had slight nausea, but other than that I felt fine.
STILL CANNOT LOOK YET or want to. I cannot even bring myself to wash. I just cannot do it.
10-19 to 22
I went in to the office of my Oncologist, Dr. Kunta, for my shot to boost my white blood cells with RN, Laura on the 19th. Oh goodness, that is when it hit me. I was nauseous all throughout the week
with stomach discomfort constantly. I was not really hungry or thirsty for anything, but I had to keep drinking especially water to keep myself hydrated. Thank goodness for Rob to keep up with me.
10-21
I thought I was feeling better and tried to go to work, but only made it three (3) hours. Rob came and got me and took me home to rest. I slept most of the afternoon. I was much better the following afternoon. Eric, Herb, Esq. and Lynn from my work are all so helpful and supportive. I can’t believe I lucked out and have individuals like this in my life. And, let’s not forget about Cindy, Kathy, Blair, and Dusty who have all been so supportive and always there for me. What great people I can call my friends. My Winter Garden crew!
I had my first appointment with Dr. Bosshardt for my first expansion which went well. I was nervous, but did not feel a thing. It was painless and Dr. Bosshardt and his nurse Lauren are great!!
FINALLY ~
I tried to wash myself and it went ok. I still have a hard time touching the areas and have a hard time trying to look into the mirror. I cannot put Palmers lotion on or Vitamin E oil on as needed because I am not strong enough mentally, so Rob does ALL of these things and MORE for me. With no complaints – only a smile and loving words.
10-22
I had a 9:00 a.m. therapy appointment with Kristi Secrest for my right side. I had met with her prior to surgery where she gave me some exercises to do afterward and that I had been doing all along. Those exercises were great and helped me stay ahead of the game as far as therapy. When I went in, she stated I looked great and that I did not need to come back in to see her, but just keep up on my exercises and call her if I need her. It was suggested that I come in to see her when I am ready to move my exercises to light weights so we can go through the safest way to work that in. Other than that, I can move forward, stay on top of my exercises and there is no reason why I cannot workout if I feel like it. Just take it easy.
THE ENLIGHTENMENT OF CANCER ~ PART IV ~
I used to get my nails done before all this. I really enjoyed that one little thing I could do for myself, but as I stared down at my nails I was reminded that as it turned out, it would not be good for me as a Cancer patient to have them done any longer. It just was not safe and I could not take any chances with my health. So, on September 29, 2009, I had a nail appointment to take off the Gel nails that I had on. They were my real nails underneath, but I needed the Gel soaked off
before surgery and chemo because I cannot take the risk of being around any area like a nail salon
due to health reasons. The following day we had plans for dinner with the family at Olive Garden
across town. As we all walked in we were escorted to a table in the back of the restaurant. It was
nice to have everyone together, almost everyone. My younger brother, Jay, lived in CT and so far away. Jay and I were so close growing up, but as we got older and he had a family we kind of grew apart. I remember sitting there in the chair surrounded by my family and missing him at the same time. As I leaned over to say something to my younger niece, Brittany, I happen to look up and see this guy walking this way across the restaurant. It was Jay! I was so excited I could not believe it. Jay flew in to surprise me in order to be here with me for my procedure. I was so surprised and was so very happy to see him that I started to cry at seeing him there at the restaurant. For him to fly all this way and be here for me at the time of my surgery made my heart complete.
October 2, 2009 is here and as I wake up this morning I tend to move slowly. I feel a little outside of myself and am not really effected yet by the impending surgery to remove both my breasts and reconstruction at the same time. Surgery is scheduled for 1:30 p.m. today, so I need to be at the hospital at 11:00 a.m. to check my system with regard to the radiation injection that was given to me the day before. After I checked in, I was taken upstairs to the second floor where I was prepped for surgery. I was so nervous and just knew that I would wake up sometime soon and this would all be a dream. Still reeling through my head is the saying “Is this really happening and am I really going to have my two breasts removed because of Cancer?” I was so nervous that Rob & I had our Wills prepared by Eric S. Mashburn, P.A. on September 28, 2009. I knew it was not my time, but you never know. I was not ready to go, but I was prepared, had no regrets and everyone knew I loved them. After I was in a gown, in bed and an IV inserted to relax me, Rob came back and stayed with me and then my family came in to visit one last time before I went in. When mom came in she started crying, which made me cry and then Jay cry who came in after her. Dr. Bosshardt and Dr. Boardman came in to see me and make sure everything was ready to go. It was nice to see them. The nurses were very nice and attentive and so was the anesthesiologist who reminded me of my cousin Kimmie in Maryland. All the way down to her mannerisms. That made me feel good as she was the last face I saw before I went under and she said that “I will be right here taking care of you.” Ah, I feel peace. I gave Rob a kiss goodbye while crying at the same time that I was being rolled down the hallway toward surgery. At that moment, I did realize that I was scarred of not coming out of surgery. When I jumped out of a perfectly good plane, I was not scared of not making it to the ground in one piece. But with this, I was scarred of not waking up. Is that strange or what?
One of the nurses stopped to get me a warm blanket, which is when I proceeded to converse with a
fellow patient who I saw in another bed. I said “Hi” and so did he. Nervousness again, but being
friendly to others. As I was wheeled into surgery, everyone was talking about food and I had not
eaten since the night before so I made a joke about them discussing food in front of me. Ha!
Other than the face of the anesthesiologist, that is the last thing I remember.
I stayed two nights in the hospital (and so did Rob). He slept in the chair right beside me. I was so surprised that he really did that. He said he was going to, but I did not think he would. That made me feel so much better knowing that I was not alone in the hospital. The two days went by without incident. I had a lot of pain what with the drains on each side, a new port on my upper left side of my chest and a pain pump attached as well for the pain in my chest. It was all something else. I could
not do a thing without Rob there to help me. He was there for me the whole entire time with the moving, restroom needs, and feeding me. Family and friends came in and out to visit me and make sure I was doing well. Randy and Cheryl had brought my nieces, Heather and Brittany up to visit me. Brittany helped feed me after she was assured that I was ok. I had her come up onto the bed with me so that she could see I was in fact alright. God love her!! She is so sweet that she did not want to hurt me.
I had taken a break from blogging for a few days as my baby, Caesar, has been ill for quite some time and got worse lately. I took him for a second opinion on Friday, only to find out he has kidney disease and a 4-5 cm mass by his spine (Cancer). It was a very sad and awful weekend as we had to make the decision to let him go and not be in pain any longer. He is now an Angel in heaven with his sister Cleopatra and brother Tucker running and playing. They are all Angels now! It was the worst and hardest decision we have had to make in a long time. He was so sweet and gave us 10 1/2 years of nothing but love and kisses. Lordy but that boy loved his snuggles and to be held like a baby.
My baby Caesar, I can’t stop crying. I miss you so much that I feel so empty and lost without you. You gave us so much that I still see you everywhere. No matter where I look, there you are. I’m not ready to let you go. Lord help me I’m not ready…
Zak on top & Magnum on bottom of photo
Randy & I
The Gang!! 
Ah, no hair and a smile!