Recharge Yourself ~ Ah, to Be Alone At Times… It Truly Helps to Recharge and Rejuvenate Yourself and Your Mind.
~ Hmm, We Know We Already Know This… ~ LET GO
~ I know, I Know … ~
~ WHY YES WE DO ~
~ WHY YES WE DO ~
Believe my Angels! Always have Faith, keep the Positivity, keep the Strength and always keep your Light, Love and Warrior Within!
~ ANGEL SIGNS ~
~ ANGEL SIGNS ~ via Mary Jac
When you see the signs, you just know…
Whether it’s to remind us of their presence, help us through a difficult time, or to let us know they are with us, Angels will always find a way of alerting us to the fact that they love us, they want to help us – they are there …
THE ENLIGHTENMENT OF CANCER ~ PART VIIII
THE ENLIGHTENMENT OF CANCER ~ PART VIIII
Thinking about Bobby, Always. Second surgery day at 9:30 a.m. I have to be there at 7:30 a.m. Rob and I did not get out of there until 3:00 ish. My implant surgery today as well as the removal of my port.
** I have to say that the port they give you from the very beginning affects you in many ways. First you can’t believe you have to have this port for medications on your chest. It looks like a bump on your chest and you try to cover it up with clothing, but nothing really works because you always know it’s there. It can be uncomfortable at times, but you eventually get used to it. After a while, it becomes your best friend – so to speak – because all the medications get injected into your blood stream thru here and it makes life easier suing the port. The port has become your saving grace and now by the time you are finished with your treatments and surgeries, it is now time for one last surgery and the port to be removed. You have mixed feelings about this because you have been on medications for so long and this port, this thing/lump on your chest has been there for you and made the process of the medications easier. You really don’t want to let it go, but in order to move on, you must. It’s really a sad moment in time and a bit scary.
Third and last surgery today. I had to be there at 11:00 when the surgery was at 1:00. Rob & I did not get out of there until 7:00 p.m. I was not as nervous as the last two surgeries.
I have had many check ups with regard to my implants, but as of July I was pretty much done. Oh did I forget to mention that when you have a double mastectomy, you have just the implants under your skin. No more areola or nipple. So, in order to make everything look as natural as possible, skin is taken from somewhere else on your body and attached here. Another fun surgery, right? But, Dr. Bosshardt did a great job as usual. I couldn’t ask for a better doctor.
I started paddling with WOW, Warriors on Water Breast Cancer Survivor Dragon Boating Team. What an awesome experience with a great bunch of ladies. Our first competition is on 10-16-10. A lot of fun and a great learning experience. Love those ladies!!!
Warriors on Water Breast Cancer Survivor Dragon Boating Team – Our team is Warriors on Water and our mission is to create, inspire, and sustain a community of breast cancer survivors who share in the empowering, therapeutic, and symbolic sport of dragon boating.
9-10 to 9-12-10
Attended camp this weekend at the Faces of Courage camp with the ladies of WOW, Warriors on Water. Had a great time, met a lot of great ladies and had a lot of great and new experiences such as body paint, drums, meditation, and just a relaxing time away from phones, computers and life in general.
Faces of Courage – We are a non-profit organization located in the Tampa Bay area that offers free camps and events for women,men and children with cancer and blood illnesses. Though we are located in Florida, some of our camps are attended by women, men and children from all over the country. We strive to provide a judgment-free, comfortable atmosphere where women, men and children can relax and just have fun.
Well all has been going pretty well. I have been feeling good and getting used to my new breasts. I found that a month or two ago I was having pain in both my knees so I let Dr. Kunta know who sent me for a Bone Scan. Well the results were on 10-5-10 wherein Dr. K said that my knees were good (I could run a marathon), but what about the pain in my hip, my left hip. I said “what?” I am here for knee pain not hip pain. Nonetheless, the scan picked up something on my left hip so I was sent out for an MRI as soon as possible.
That was on 10-5-10 when the scheduler at Dr. Kunta’s office was given the task of scheduling me an MRI ASAP. Well it was 10-15 and I had no word so I called them to say “where is my appt?” She was clueless so I had to remind her that Dr. Kunta wanted it ASAP and it was now 10-15 and I had no word? Needless to say I got a call back from her within 20 minutes with an MRI appt scheduled for 10-18 at 9:00 at Horizen Open MRI on West 50 in Ocoee. I went in today for my appt and was there for 3 1⁄2 hours and in so much pain from the position I was lying in. It was awful. I get my results on Wednesday, 10-20.
** I have no patience for incompetent people who do not pay attention and take care of Cancer patients as they are supposed to!
A new chapter … posing nude while being body painted by artist Lisa Scholder at her home in Tampa, FL. Rob came with me, Peggy Sherry of Faces of Courage was there as well as photographer Jim Webb. What great people! Jim was interviewing me while videoing the process, he let Rob use him camera and take pictures for him of the process and it all felt natural. Being nude in front of others after all I had been thru was actually liberating. I didn’t really care! All for a good cause I say – and it was!
Wow! I cannot believe it has been a year and a half since being told I have Cancer. I am doing well. I am still with the Cancer Survivor Dragon Boat Team, WOW – Warriors on Water. I have been for almost 10 months now. I am feeling better, getting used to my implants, trying to workout more and paddling. Other than the mental aspects that come later, all is well.
The mental aspects – yes – no one really talks to you about that or mentions it. This is a very long process and something that affects you for a long time to come. It never really goes away, Cancer is always in the back of your mind.
To say the least this is has been quite a few years for me. As of this month Rob accepted a position in California. So, without further adieu he is being transferred there with Universal Hollywood. This means ALL NEW DOCS for me. Oh lord!!
Our baby Labrador, Tucker, has recently passed (God Bless him and his big heart & soul)! We buried him at the top of the hill in the back yard of our home. He was supposed to come with us whenever we decided to move anywhere! He is always with us though – I can feel it. I sure miss my big boy!
Rob leaves this day for a cross country trip to California since he starts his job on the 18th. So, I am here alone with Cleo & Caesar and my family of course, but alone nonetheless.
Yeah! We finally rented the house in Clermont so now I am free to go be with Rob. The new tenants move in on the 15th so I will pack up and move in with dad. God love him. We both need the company. Ha! Ha! He has two cats and so do we. This should be fun!
Traveling to Ybor City to attend the Ybor City Art Show to promote our Bodies of Courage Calendar for 2012 with Lisa Scholder and Peggy Sherry. You remember, the one I posed nude for. Great Breast Cancer survivors in the calendar including myself. Lisa did a great job. What a great artist and a great experience for myself! I absolutely loved it and to see the calendar completed is awesome. So if anything is taken away from this experience it is this: Never say you can’t do something! Life is too short not to at least try something at least once. And then and only then can you say that you don’t like it. No excuses! Be daring, be fearful, be … who you were meant to be! That is the one thing Cancer has taught me.
Beach weekend with one the best cousin a girl could ask for and another Cancer Survivor. Robert Ellrich, Jr (Bobby) who is a fighter beyond belief! He is so strong, so fearful, so brave! I love him so much! I might be strong and might have helped him along the way, but he has helped me more than he knows. I might help him to fight, but let me tell you ladies and gentlemen he helps me to fight and to carry on the fight! We fight together! We look at Cancer and laugh and say “Is this all you
got!” We have faith, we have life, we have love, we have each other!
It has been 2 years since my visit with Dr. Lewis (my OB) wherein she wanted me to go ahead and get my mammogram and whom I will say with all my heart who saved my life! I go today for a check up as usual. This will be my last visit with her since I am moving to California. She is so nice, so caring, so sweet, such a great doctor who I know I can call a friend and call should I need anything.
Leaving my doctors is hard. They all saved me and give me strength. It hurts to leave! I must be honest, I worry about leaving. Will I find doctors I California with such a good bedside manner as I found here in Clermont, FL. I pray I do as I will not settle for less. My life is too valuable to me to put in the hands of someone without heart and a soul.
Today I met with my favorite Oncologist, Dr. Kunta. What a great doctor! He has taken care of me, made me laugh and has been there through all my Chemotherapy sessions. I will miss him, Jade and Billisha. Jade is the receptionist whom I have come to depend on and love as she has always been there to help me in a moments notice. Help like that is hard to find much less help from a person with a big heart and a caring soul. And last, but not least, Billisha. Billisha and Laura (another nurse who is no longer there) helped to take care of me when I was in for my Chemo sessions. They always made sure I had my meds before I came in and then made sure I was comfortable once I got there. I know that is there job, but they always took it one or two steps more making it more than there job, they really care and you can’t put a price on that. They took great care of me and Rob because Rob as you know by now, went with me every time I went to a doctor appt or a chemo session – every single time.
My checkup and numbers came out well and Dr. Kunta was very happy with the way things looked. God bless him as I wish him and his staff well. Thank you for everything.
New adventures await! While I am a survivor in every way, shape and form, I look forward to the new adventures, challenges and anything else God and life has in store for me. I will not settle for less and will triumphant in spirit, heart and soul no matter what! I am a fighter, we are all fighters, we are all brothers and sisters in Cancer and through God our Father for with him and through him all things are possible. My faith, fight, family and good doctors brought me through this and I am here to tell you all that life is worth fighting for. Love is worth fighting for. Family is worth fighting for. You yourself are worth fighting for.
Thank you for reading my journal of my experience thru the Breast Cancer process. I hope this brings light to help others understand how this affects an individual being diagnosed with Cancer and how if affects his or her spirit and his or her determination to fight such an awful disease .
Always with Light, Love, Strength, Enlightenment and Our Warrior Within ~
Some of the cousins at Bobby’s Beach Weekend
Faces of Courage Camp ~ Debbie & I
Warriors on water Dragon Boat Team – Oct. 2010 Love my Team!
Ybor City Art Show with Peggy of FoC & artist, Lisa
Bodies of Courage Calendar – This is me ~ I made the cover!
Never give up ~ Never stop fighting!
Always with Light, Love, Strength, Enlightenment and Our Warrior Within ~
ALWAYS WITH LIGHT, LOVE, STRENGTH & ENLIGHTENMENT ~
Myths, Mysteries and Legends ~ Goddesses
Myths, Mysteries and Legends ~ Goddesses myangelcardreadings.com
A lot has been written about Goddesses, who originate from many different cultures. It is said that by
working with them we can enlighten and heal our own feminine wisdom, thus improving our spiritual intuition.
Here’s a few of the better known ones and their areas of “expertise” so that you can call on them should you wish to ….
|Abundantia is the Roman Goddess of Abundance, Good Fortune, Opportunities and Success. Her name means “plenty” or “overflowing riches”.Her philosophy is that the Universal Source grants us access to the infinite and all encompassing supply of abundance. Therefore, by believing in this wisdom, you will also believe that your needs will always be met somehow, and they probably will!|
|Aphrodite is probably the most well known Greek Goddess, she is the Goddess of Love, Romance and Passion and assists women into feeling more comfortable with their bodies and sexuality. Aphrodite loves to help you celebrate your femininity.|
|Artemis the Greek Goddess the moon, the night and woodland, she is also known as the Goddess of protection, a particular guardian of women and children. She will illuminate those places that scare you and lend you her strength to bring you safely through. Call upon her for courage, or if you feel you need defending or shielding from harm.|
|Clementia is the roman Goddess of forgiveness and mercy. Call upon her when you need to find forgiveness in your heart.|
|Damara is a Celtic fertility Goddess. It is also believed that this Goddess rules over youth and innocence. She also assists with bringing peace and harmony to discordant families within quarrelsome households.|
|Eireen is a Greek Goddess who brings peace to all around her. She helps us replace worry with trust. She will also assist us with re-discovering and retaining our child-like faith and enthusiasm for life.|
|Green Tara a Tibetan Goddess, who rapidly understands situations and relationships. she empowers us to promote self healing, whilst helping us to overcome our fears and anxieties. She is also said to save us from hatred, envy and greed.|
|Hera The Greek Goddess Hera blesses and protects a woman’s marriage, bringing her fertility, protecting her children, and helping her find financial security. She also represents the fullness of life and reminds us that we can use our own instinctive judgement in the pursuit of any goal we choose.|
|Hestia is the Greek Goddess of the “Hearth and Home”. She is friendly and modest and prides herself on her home being a haven. Call upon her to help you to make your home a welcoming sanctuary for all who live there.|
|Isolt is a legendary Celtic Goddess, who you can call upon to help with relationship issues. She helps with healing from breakups, separations, and divorces. Ignites passion and re-kindling relationships. She also assists with attracting romantic love.|
|Ixchel a powerful healer, Ixchel is a Mayan Moon Goddess who is connected to the tides and rainfall. She is a mother Goddess who is believed to aid fertility and childbirth. Call upon her to connect you with your own healing abilities.|
|Kuan Yin is the Eastern Goddess of Mercy. She helps us to feel kindness and compassion towards ourselves and others. She also assists with opening our clairvoyant and psychic abilities to their full potential if called upon to do so.|
THE ENLIGHTENMENT OF CANCER ~ PART VIII
THE ENLIGHTENMENT OF CANCER ~ PART VIII
This week was a regular work week and an office visit to Dr. Bosshardt for one more expansion. I want no regrets and feel this is a good choice. I am not that big, just slightly bigger than I was originally. After today, I have a two-week waiting process before we start moving toward the 20% and then we wait two (2) months before surgery. Surgery for the reconstruction process and the removal of the port that I have had for so long.
My LAST chemo. YEAH! A little nervous as there is a feeling of comfort knowing that you are getting medication to help fight the cancer, but on the other hand those same medications are brutally hard on your body. With that, I am ready for the last one and know that the cancer has NOT spread and by staying on my same nutritional path and exercise I can keep the cancer away forever and be a survivor forever with no re-occurrence. I worked a half day Monday, a full day on Tuesday, had my last shot on Wednesday (for my immune system) – – cold and hurt like heck!!, worked half a day Thursday (Christmas eve) and we were off Friday. Yeah! Nice week – finally.
I was ill Thursday and Friday and started to get better Saturday. Rob & I went over to see the family for Christmas Saturday since I was unable to on Christmas day. Happy Birthday to Heather Marie who is 19 this year on Christmas. Unbelievable.
I have to say that although I do not regret my decision regarding the “one more expansion”, they are getting so uncomfortable that I cannot wait for surgery so as to actually have the implants in that are more comfortable and so I can sleep better. These things are feeling hard and now I know what exactly the doctors meant when they said that there would be no feeling in your breast, no normal feeling, as that is exactly what I am experiencing and am uncertain on how I feel about that. Having a double mastectomy takes all feeling away. Not that I really had a choice in the matter.
I have a short week this week what with New Years and all. I am off Thursday (personal day) and Friday is New Years day, 2010. Rob and I are off to St. Augustine, FL for the weekend of New Years 2010 and look forward to a little vacation. It has been a long last six (6) months and I need a little away time. St. Augustine is always a great place to go for a getaway.
12-30-09 to 12-31-09
New Years Eve and Anniversary on 1-1: Rob & I traveled to St. Augustine, FL where we go every year and stay at the Carriage Way Bed & Breakfast. John, Larry & Bill are so great and our stay is always the best. We got there on the 31st and spent New Years Eve watching the ball drop with John. The rest of the weekend was nice as Rob & I ate at some very nice restaurants (The Reef, The Bubble Room, The Maya Restaurant, and The Florida Cracker) and finding out what I could eat became a little easier.
Our anniversary, three (3) years. Rob & I spent the day touring around St. Augustine and had dinner at “The Reef”. A nice restaurant on the water there with a nice view. A lot has happened in our three years married – and he’s still hanging around. Most would have already left me and probably couldn’t handle it. I say this from experience losing friends and family while I am ill.
Today I am set to get my first set of scans after the chemo treatment. My first scan, the PET scan is at 7:00 a.m. and the CT is scheduled for 9:00 a.m. Rob is going with me to get them done and we wait for a week to get the results on the 18th at 3:00 p.m. with Dr. Kunta.
All went well and after Rob & I went to breakfast at Perkins. Now, the fun is over and back to work.
Today I was surprised by an early 40th birthday party at the restaurant “Dutch” by Rob. He had asked me if I wanted to go with him to Home Depot to refill the grill tank and then to lunch. So sure, I was up to it. We decided on lunch at Dutch, me not knowing that there was a party in the back.
When I walked in, Dutch (the owner) took us to the back where there was better seating – through the kitchen I might add – and when I walked through everyone yelled “surprise.” I started to cry because it was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for me. There were many people who actually wanted to be there to show me that they loved me and are happy that I am here, 40, and we all know I will be Cancer free. For a small list of who was there: Bob and Annaliese, mom and dad, Randy & Cheryl, Heather and Brittany, Trina, David and Brittany, Theresa, Uncle Frank and Aunt Mary, Uncle Jack and Aunt Jill, Heath, Karlos, Matt, Sandy and Matt’s mom, Lynn (from work), Cindy & Kathy (from work), Barry & Kristi, Yvette and her two children, and Lori and Megan. What a great surprise.
After my last 20% expansion this morning with Dr. Bosshardt, I had a 3:00 appt with Dr. Kunta for my results of my scans. Dr. Kunta advised that my scans were perfect, clean and clear and told me he would continue to treat me to keep the Cancer away. I got a name and number of a Dermatologist, Heather Brock, so I could have them check my skin so I can stay Cancer free.
40th Birthday ~ Hmm… I MADE IT!! Rob was sick the past two days or so, but made me a nice dinner here at home.
Now that I am Cancer free, I am going to need to stay on top of it by keeping up with my nutritional habits as well as my continued exercising. No going back to the ways of before. Something like this changes you and makes you realize what is really important in life and what you should do in order to stay here longer to see your nieces and nephews grow up and graduate and grow old with your brothers whom you would miss so very much. I always knew prior to this what things were important and not so much as well as worth fighting for, but Cancer puts it greater perspective and you literally find yourself not in the mood for any negativity from anyone.
So – – I wait for my hair to start growing back and sit for two (2) months while I await my appt on March 4th with Dr. Bosshardt to schedule my surgery for my implants. Thank goodness for insurance! If my insurance did not pay for reconstructive surgery, I would have never gotten it. I was lucky enough to have that choice. They do not mean that much to me nor would I miss them. Besides, Rob already said he did not marry me for my breasts or looks, but for my heart and what’s inside. So with that, I could not ask for anything more.
The weeks have passed with no new events until the first week here in February. My hair started to show some growth. Although, my eyebrows and eye lashes continue to fall out. Rob says that my new lashes and brows are pushing out the old ones. Hmm…, maybe so. I any case, just this past week, the week of the 15th, my expander on the left side has been causing me pain. It has somehow come to a point inside on the left side under or close to my arm and managed to make a bruise and pinch a nerve at the same time. The pain is sharp although not all the time. It is only once maybe twice a day with little jolts here and there throughout. Goodness, just when I think I can reach for that glass or wash my head in the shower the jolts or pain come.
*** On A Side Note**
Wigs, wigs and more wigs ~ Since I have no hair, I have been experimenting with wigs here and there. Nothing too extreme, yet. They seem to fit well and don’t look too bad. I’ve always had really curly hair and could not find a good curly wig, so I went for straight. I don’t wear them all the time. Most times I prefer a little bandanna. In the evenings, my head gets so cold that I have a little red and white stripped hat I wear to bed to keep my hear warm. Thank goodness for this.
I went to see Dr. Bosshardt today where he took some fluid out of my expanders thinking that might help, but it did not. I told him it would not matter because the expander came to a point inside and the size would not matter. Oh well. I only have to live with it until March 19, that is when my surgery is scheduled. Yeah!! I hope everything looks better than I expect and goes well.
Later this night, Rob & I were given an invite to go see the true story, movie, called “Letters to God”. It was a very good story about a little boy with brain cancer who writes letters to god and prays about many different things and people. It was filmed here in Clermont/Winter Garden. It was very sad, but a good story for all to learn from.
2-24 to 3-12
I seem to be feeling just fine other than the pain I keep having in my left expander. It has come to a point underneath my skin and is either pinching my skin or a nerve underneath. In any case, it is quite a jolt of pain when it happens and I never know when it will. I cannot wait for surgery.
A beautiful day for a Winter park 10k run. My first 10k, Yeah I finished in 1 hour and 28 minutes. Not so bad. Matt, Sandy and I walked/jogged it and had a good time. Rob’s knee was still hurting him from his 300 mile ride a few weeks back so he did not do it.
We found out today that my cousin, Bobby, has Colon Cancer. The family is not telling him *just yet as they need him to recover from his operation on his intestine/appendix he just had yesterday, March 17. I pray God gives him the strength and the immune system to fight this. He’s been through so much and is such a fighter. He is my light and my strength!!
ENLIGHTENMENT ~ SERENITY ~ LIGHT ~ LOVE
As I Began to Love Myself – Self Love Poem by Charlie Chaplin
As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering
are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth.
Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY”.
As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody
As I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time
was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this
person was me. Today I call it “RESPECT”.
As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life,
and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow.
Today I call it “MATURITY”.
As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance,
I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens
at the exactly right moment. So I could be calm.
Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE”.
As I began to love myself I quit steeling my own time,
and I stopped designing huge projects for the future.
Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do
and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in
my own rhythm. Today I call it “SIMPLICITY”.
As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for
my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything that drew
me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude
a healthy egoism. Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF”.
As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since
I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is “MODESTY”.
As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worry
about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where EVERYTHING
is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILLMENT”.
As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me
and it can make me sick. But As I connected it to my heart, my
mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this
connection “WISDOM OF THE HEART”.
We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems
with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing
new worlds are born.Today I know THAT IS “LIFE”!
SWEET DREAMS ~
I understand sometimes we do not remember our dreams, but know that we slept pretty soundly. Just know this,
Are There Angels
© Kathy J Parenteau
Are there angels here beside us as we journey life’s winding road,
Sent from heaven here to guide us along future paths unknown?
I saw an angel in my dream with an
raven hair, delicate wings and a
warm angelic style.
She bore a sweet resemblance to
someone I used to know,
but the era had lapsed, long since passed, for the winds of time do blow.
She told me of a heavenly land, a
paradise she claimed,
that awaits the souls of everyone who
worships God’s name.
She showed me living waters baring
life of endless flow,
unconditional love for our master above
a place where streets are paved in gold.
And when my dream came to an end she
kissed me tenderly,
whispered we’ll soon meet again when
God feels it’s meant to be.
In the morning I awakened to the
dawning of the day,
with my spirit a glow for I’d been
kissed by a rose,
in this dream I’ll cherish till my
Yes angels walk beside us however
unbelievable it seems,
sent from heaven here to guide us
even in our dreams.
Always with Light, Love, Strength, Enlightenment, Guidance and OUR Warrior Within! Have a great Monday my Angels and may your day be light and heavenly. Cheers!
ONE IN A …
Happy Friday my lovelies!! We made it and I ended up having the day off – not by choice, by circumstance. I enjoyed it nonetheless. So, without keeping you in suspense any longer…
Enjoy your weekend my Angels and know that you are all “One In A Minion!” Now get out ther and have an awesome adventure that I can’t wait to hear about!
Always with Light, Love, Strength, Enlightenment and Guidance! Cheers from me to you!
ANGELS IN THE CLOUDS ABOVE
Believe in yourself, believe in the Faith you have, believe that there are Angels around us, and believe that this too shall pass (should you find yourself in a heartache or painful situation) and positive things will come back to you. Have the Faith and belief ~ why not ~ what can it hurt…
Believe because there can be no other way! Any other way is sadness, frustration, hopelessness, etc. Belief and Faith give you courage, happiness, confidence, your head is always held high and looking up (at the heavens and Angels above). That’s why.
As Always ~ with Light, Love, Positivity, and the Warrior Within! Cheers!